Fou Fou Food in France

‘allo, let me tell you a story, mon ami
Of how I celebrated our anniversary
Eating baguette from a boulangerie
In the grandest of cities – gay Paree
Sigh, as they say, c’est la vie

Like a bored couple seeking romance
We decided to make off to France
Just plain old me and ma cherie
With each other and love for company

Cabaret, can can, chic-ness and the mandatory high-brow culture
The Seine, Eiffel Tower and the Louvre, for sure
But more than that, a tour of the gastronomique scene
For the gourmand to binge on nouvelle cuisine

Adjusting my beret, we went to the Champs Elysees
The finest of French restaurants, s’il vous plait
Like pearls before swine, me a clumsy oeuf
Seeking the masterpieces of a Michelin chef

Garcon, bring me la carte without translation
And spare me your un-understandable pronunciation
Having experienced haute fashion Parisienne
I was ready for a meal starting with ze soup French onion

I went with what I thought would be great on the palate
But as they say, trust a novice to always lose the bet
Bon appetit, but foie gras was not for lily-livered me
It’s a fat canard that luxury dishes are always tasty

Google Assist told me lapin was rabbit
Which wasn’t exactly an Indian culinary habit
No, it isn’t funny, not for any kind of money
Was I about to be the testing bunny

I ordered andouillette, ratatouille and bouillabaisse
Almost spitting them out, so much for my sass
Undeterred, the unlettered me forged on
Determined to have an authentic meal tres bon

I was served something that tasted like fried poultry
Till I saw the webbed feet and out popped the chicken in me
I think I’ll stay away from cooked amphibians
And remain true to the salad with champignons

Seeing my discomfiture, the waiter asked, escargot?
The mere mention had me glancing anxiously for an escape door
Flavoured with butter, garlic and thyme (although I heard slime)
I crawled low in my seat, pretending to look at the time

Enough was enough, no way could I relish Gaelic food
I decided to be ruder than those who are perceived to be rude
Please, just bring me the menu gateaux
And I ordered the smallest of bites of petits four

By now hungry, upset and completely miserable
Forget edible, we decided to eat what we were able
So the wife had a croissant and I, the aforementioned bread
And that was our celebration, enough said


Part of a troika, with Germany coming next and the previous one on Italy here:

Pasta la Vista

 

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54 Comments

      1. i had such a hard time in Germany — France was much easier with at least salad, crepes, bread, dessert…Germany was only bread and potatoes – every meal. Waiting to read your next adventure! πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Ha Ha Haute Cuisine!!
    Your discomfiture truly elicited a laugh πŸ˜‚
    Though I wish I could express my Aussie gastronomic adventure eating crocodile, emu and kangaroo meat with as much gusto and aplomb πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  2. Deeelightful! I need to share this with my daughter (who lives in French-speaking Switzerland) and her husband (who’s an exquisite chef). They’ll laugh even more than I did!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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