Sometimes
Even as thoughts besiege me
Words fail me
And instead of emptying sentences into an abyss
I revert to chanting
The Word
In a repetitive mala* of 108
Till the pranav overcomes the nishabd
mala = prayer beads
108 = number of beads in a Mala
pranav = a mantra, the sound of Aum
nishabd = wordless in Hindi
Amid the sounds of silence
Pounding thoughts
Reverberate & regurgitate in my head
Oscillations of unspoken words
Stimulating, scolding, provoking
No commiseration, no pause
Never ending
Discordant, dystopian, doubt-filled
Visphoti vichaar jo dhalte nahin*
Calm evades my being
Dark clouds cloak the rainbow silence
Harmony an impotent word
Harnessed in a miasma
A netherworld of negativity
Ashanti ka keechad*
Monstrous crags of imbalance
Through which blows
A gale of turbulence
Intractable schisms between factions
Virulent thoughts, voice in a vice
A vortex of volatility and vulnerability
Adhure khwaab, asthir dimaag*
The silence, not of concentration
Nor of meditation
But of confused mental contortions
And circumambulating constrictions
A sense of emptiness so unbearably heavy
That holds all sounds in a centripetal vice
* An endless chain of dynamite exploding in my head
* A cesspool of imbalance and uncertainty
* Unfulfilled desires and disturbed mind
random rants ruminations ramblings 