It Hurts, But It’s Funny

A big lesson to be learned here

Lifting weights wrongly can give you a hernia

Especially now that you’re not a junior

An abdominal lump quite peculiar

Ignoring it can cause unbearable pain, yeah

Then you wait for the doctor in turn, yeah

Realize that surgeries can completely burn ya

But it’s the only hope it doesn’t return, nah

Damn that darn infernal hernia



From French or English or Dutch
To American or Danish or Swiss
Whether from cow or sheep or goat
Can anyone give cheese a miss

Think of it, cheese should be yucky
Cultured with microbes and mould
Sounds utterly disgusting, innit 
But completely worth having, if truth be told

Mild or sharp, with wine or with bread
Sliced, cubed, diced, or as a spread
With crackers, cucumber sticks, or with jam
Or then with olives, grapes, or even ham

Over nachos, as chips & dip, in burgers
Melted in a fondue, as part of a platter
It’s fattening but tasty as hell
So it really doesn’t matter

Bring on honey, mustard or a salad
Philadelphia, Boursin or Cheez Whiz
Can you really go wrong
With a slather of any of these

There’s Camembert and Emmental
Cheddar, Gouda and Brie
But many hundreds of others
From all over, as I can see

There’s aged and mature, fresh and creamy 
Mushroomy or garlicky, peppery or herby
Flavoured with nuts and berries, for a nibble or as a snack
Then there’s Colby and there’s Monterrey Jack

As wheels and blocks and wedges and shavings
Cheese is something I can have in a healthy dose
Except for Blue Gorgonzola for its veins
And Limburger or Stilton for the nose

There’s the Greek Feta and Italian Mozzarella
And Parmesan (think pasta and pizza)
While the Subcontinent swears by its paneer
Something I also hold quite dear

Gruyere and Ricotta
Smoked and Burrata
Asiago, Manchego, Grana Padano
Queso, Roquefort and Pecorino Romano

Raclette, Edam and Bocconcini
Buffalo, Havarti and Halloumi
Fontina, Chevre, Cotija, Muenster and Provolone
And I think for desserts they use Mascarpone

Still, in all of this variety 
Something in me is very old school
I might have a taste of them all
But then yearn for a spicy chutney with Amul*


*the most popular Indian brand of ordinary processed cheese, nothing fancy but cheap, available everywhere and full of childhood memories before my tastebuds evolved!