A Comic Gothic Poem

After my recent embarrassment in France and Italy*
The wife suggested a vacation in Germany
I saw visions of pilsner, lager, ale, porter, malt & stout
Accompanied by sausages, potato salad & sauerkraut

We boarded Lufthansa, arrived in Frankfurt
Teutonic efficiency at its best, everything was zehr gut
Wilkommen, said Immigration formally, taking a bow
I beamed, looking forward to the food & drink, and how

A Porsche for a taxi, sped us down the autobahn
I had to put this up on social media for a YOLO yarn
We’d barely checked in when I said, I’ve got a big thirst
Wifey rolled her eyes, saying that’s all you think of last, or first

So we made off to a Biergarten and I scanned the menu
A simple choice made complicated, what should I do
1500 sausages, 500 beers and so much mustard & bread
Was it going to be one those days again, I was filled with dread

Beck’s, Bitburger, Kolsch, Erdinger, Paulaner, Warsteiner und Hopfbrau
Rattled off our server, a blonde and buxom frau
Weizenbiere, helles, maibock, dunkel, weiss, gose und marzen
I listened with attention, fascination & confusion

Bratwurst, nurnberger, bregenwurst, knackwurst und wurtschen
She paused a moment, then continued again
Teewurst, gelbwurst, landjager, thuringer und bockwurst
All kinds of meat, so much that I could burst

She finished and asked me, beer in a glass or in a stein?
Undecided, I could only answer, danke, but nein
Instead, may I have some fine white wine?
Sure, mein herr, from Franconia, Mosel, Saxony or the Rhine?

Nothing was easy, by now I had a headache
Struggling with the innumerable choices I’d to make
So I ordered a slice of their apfel cake
And a shot of Schnapps for courtesy’s sake
Swearing, the next holiday, homemade food I’ll take

* Part of a troika, with the previous ones here:

Fou Fou Food in France

Pasta la Vista






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