I DREAMT ABOUT THE DONALD

Last night I had a nightmare, it was November 2016
And Obama was soon going to be a has-been
In my sleep, I wondered about the next POTUS
If it were to be a certain someone, heaven help us

If the ex-First Lady didn’t make it
Of which I have my doubts
Then we might have a brash billionaire
Were Americans to elect that lout

Whereas Mr President would be rich
With money coming out of his ass
He’d also be pompous and arrogant as hell
With complete sub-zero class

So what if were a Richie Rich
He wouldn’t be worth a dollar
Certainly not leader of the Free World
Only the fringe would be his followers

With guns, God and Palin on his side
They would be completely smitten
He’d be a state guest in all the countries
Well, maybe except for Britain

He’d be a buffoon with a bouffant
Even dumber than Dubya
Obnoxious and rude to women
Couldn’t get much worse, Iowa, could ya

$ 2 mill a week may get him TRPs on TV
But would it help to boost his image
And whoever were to be chosen as VP
Was going to suffer irretrievable collateral damage

I dreamed on about the debate
Spewing fire, spouting hate
And thought after the likes of Lincoln or Kennedy
Was this man really the remedy

He’d sit in the Oval Office
An insensitive, sexist boor
Think he’s on the sets of The Apprentice
Could someone show him the door

The most powerful man on the planet
Would be flying on Air Force One
With the Secret Service protecting him
And the world waiting for him to come undone

He would buy out Camp David
And fence in all the fifty states
Send every single illegal back
As if they were ‘return to sender’ freight

He’d screen all visitors
Keep possible immigrants out
And if challenged on any point
Be a petulant bully and pout

He’d fix the economy
Even if it weren’t broke
He claims he has the answers, you see
At least, thus he spoke

He’d set things straight, make America great
He’d boast of righting all the wrongs
He’d carry along the allies
While Iran and North Korea get schlonged

He’d ride the back seat of the Beast
Show Putin just who’s boss
He’d re-brand The White House
With his surname, not giving a toss

He’d stare down the dragon
Look Hu in the eye and get him to blink
Then build another Manhattan
In downtown Shanghai, who would think

Carpet-bomb the shit out of ISIS
Not knowing what they stood for
While waving the flag, USA! USA!
And then bombing them some more

Used to having his own way and uncaring of opinion
He’d be a man of small stature
He’d reduce the highest office of the land
Into a shambolic caricature

He’d have the rest of the world
Looking on in shock and awe
His foot-in-the-mouth faux pas
Making them drop their jaws

He might have to be bailed out again by a Saudi prince
Yet not take it as a slap on his face
I wondered in my sleepy state
Wishing for the other NYC mogul to enter the race

The bad dream wouldn’t end
I thought that I was cursed
Till good fortune took over, and I felt
My bladder (like Hillary’s) was about to burst

I shuddered as I woke up
And hit the floor with a thump
Realised, thank God I’m Indian
And I don’t have to vote for that chump

But I still said a morning prayer
For the home of the brave and land of the free
From sea to shining sea
That they didn’t get a man such as he

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88 Comments

      1. My home town is St. Catharines Ontario which is 20 minutes away from Niagara falls. Yes British Columbia is a beautiful Province with such diversity. I lived in Vancouver years ago for almost 2 years then moved to a suburb close enough to Vancouver. The city life is or was at a beautiful pace..now I would imagine it is faster. Vancouver will greet you with beautiful mountains and lush greenery with beaches and many trails for hiking. Transportation is great and people relatively friendly. I don’t know about now as I moved to the east coast of Canada in the maritimes and returned and settled on the island.8 years ago. I think though every place has its own beauty.

        Liked by 2 people

      1. Apart from nation states, I’m of the view that leadership across institutions is under threat. I somehow feel that there is a responsibility on all of us to step forward in whatever form or station in life to lead where we can or build leadership where we spot potential. The world is getting more complex each day for us to simply leave it to chance.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. You said it…a nightmare…i am not American but the world will NOT be a better place with Trump at the helm of America! If America does vote him in then God help us all!

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

      1. Yes, indeed…it’s just what America and the rest of the world needs – Trump for president. God help us all!! Your French was perfectly executed!!

        Liked by 2 people

      2. 🙂 I believe it is one of the only sane things I have heard Trump say in his campaign. He told reporters that the idea of America having to build a fence along the Canadian border was crazy and that America had more important things to worry about. However, maybe a bubble over the states to contain the Trump bug might be a better idea 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Ha ha ha you obviously had lots of fun writing this…bravo, very well done…going to share with MM now…cleverly done maestro! At the same time it’s extremely worrying that this sort of scenario could be happening in the first place…God help us all and God help America to be wise…gulp!

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

      1. But to say that it has always been like this in our part of the world. Americans have had some great Presidents in their time and I thought they were at least a little more wise than us to consider Donald Trump as a real candidate …

        Liked by 1 person

  3. If it weren’t a possible reality, I would laugh. Well written Kunal. I liked the lines:

    He’d fix the economy
    Even if it weren’t broke

    I think that is the problem with the world. We are all trying to fix things, some of which are not even broken. And the rest of the events may be going through their natural cycle and our interference is having far reaching negative effects.

    Only one thing needs to be fixed…the man or woman in the mirror.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. This post is actually from last December when the man was still just another in the race. Now, he’s 24hrs from being the most powerful man on the planet (shudder!!!).
      As for your last observation – all I can say is, “if only…”
      Thanks, Sonya! Be sure to have your telly on tomorrow morning 🙂

      Like

      Reply

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