Trrrrring, bleary eyed, I dragged myself awake
And towards the kitchen a few steps I did take
Only to realise we were all out of instant for my cup
I’d have to walk across to the corner coffee shop
Picked up a newspaper and stood in line
Waiting impatiently for my turn in time
Scanned the board for the menu
And help me God, it was deja vu
All I wanted was my morning brew
To help me make it through this day anew
The questions began bright and early
Making a grouchy, old man increasingly surly
He wished me, the smiling barista
What can I get for you today, sir?
We have Ground, Roast, Hot and Iced
Small, Medium, Large or Jumbo sized!
Colombian, Javan, Arabica or Robusta beans?
I wasn’t quite sure what that means
French Press, Filtered, Drip, Percolated, Decaf?
Pal, let’s make short and simple, cut the faff!
Espresso, Piccolo, Vienna, Cappuccino?
Antoccino, Cubano, Americano?
Frappe, Latte, Flat White, Long Black?
I just want a coffee, before I head back!
Manilo, Cortado, Macchiato?
Doppio, Ristretto, Affogato?
Caffe Medici, Lungo or Guillermo?
Cafe Breve, Bombon or Zorro?
Galao, as made by the Portugese?
Or Ca phe sua da, like the Vietnamese?
With liqueur, courtesy the Irish?
Or strong and thick, like the Turkish?
With cream, con panna? With milk, au lait?
Or would you prefer it up straight?
White sugar? Demerara? Honey? Stevia?
Mocha? Caramel? Cinnamon? Nutmeg? Vanilla?
Then he asked, how about some Kopi Luwak?
Eaten and excreted by a civet (yuck)
Hey, the one thing people don’t want in their coffee
Is cat shit, am I right, or is it just me?