AN ANT’S ANGSTY RANTS

What’s this, am I bug eyed or something? Why is everything looking so outsized today??? I mean, every little thing seems huuuge!

Oh, that’s the sun, is it? Up already? Shit! Must I work today? I just don’t feel like crawling out of bed! But if I don’t, that damn queen will send the whole colony after me, while she stays home getting bonked by the drones, laying eggs. And half the guys out there, forget about carrying more than their own weight, they don’t even pull their own. So I’m gonna have to drag all those leaves from the garden all the way up our hill. I mean, WTF?

Lemme see now… nope, not one interesting picnic happening in the neighbourhood today! Man, what a bummer! I’m just going to have to queue up and kiss every bloody stranger I pass by before getting a nibble of that one tiny sugar crystal fallen on the kitchen counter! It’s such a drag, this social claptrap, I just don’t feel up to it today!

That’s it, then. I’ve made my mind up – I’m withdrawing my allegiance to the Queen and I quit this damn army, I’ll go it alone from today!

What’s that stomping noise? Oh yeah, the owner of this house bought a new pair of heavy boots last evening, I’ve gotta be careful not to get in his way and get squelched! Who does he think he’s calling a bloody creepy, crawly, pesky insect, huh? I still gotta pay him back for getting rid of my buddies Buzz, Mozz, Roach and Spidey with his deathspray.

And say what? He’s getting his Colombian friend over tonight? Jeez, it could be me getting dipped, coated and crunched! And then they say that inspite of all the sugar I eat, I’m all protein? And I’m a sour tasting critter?? Is that why the Colombian guy wants to have a bite of me au chocolate? Come on, you can’t be serious???

Man, I’m mad! I think I’m just gonna nip out of this hole, scurry up his pants, nip him in the nuts and march right back in to my nest!

Hah! Just thinking revenge makes me feel just a teeny bit better!

Advertisements

29 Comments

  1. Ha ha ha just pure dead brilliant, As they say in Glasgow! Just love this angle and view! What a funny, witty, clever piece of writing…and to think I disturbed an ants’ nest the other day…oh crumbs! They’re coming to get me…a whole army of them! Never underestimate the intention of an ant! Well Done my friend…and thanks for drawing my attention to it…starting the day with a good chuckle! Just what was needed! A craftsman with words… 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s