Oh, beard of mine,
How I hate thee!
Vexed am I
For you intrude on my facial property
A scruffy nanometer of a nuisance at a time.
Scraggly, prickly, itchy, bristly.
As a lad, I once looked forward to your arrival,
Eager with anticipation
For each virgin hair.
But now I am grown, And I resent you
Imposing your will on me.
Making me spend
A quarter hour on your damned upkeep
Every day of my existence.
Lathering and shearing and cropping and mowing
Simply to temporarily rid myself of you.
I tend to you each a.m.
But come sundown
You cast your long shadow again,
Your whiskers taking possession of my chin
And trespassing onto my Adam’s apple.
Your comrade, my moustache,
I’ve befriended for life.
He is low on maintenance –
The occasional trim is all he asks for.
Whereas you, quite the ingrate,
Impoverish me and enrich Mr. Gillette
Every time you sprout.
Without my consent, too.
My missus was once your admirer,
Her caress on my cheek
A compliment to you.
Alas, she now prefers smooth to stubble.
So you see sir, I’ve hosted you for too long.
You’ve turned grey, you’ve overstayed, you’re unwanted.
And I wish I could banish you.
How fortunate art thou that cruelty is not me.
Instead, I simply forbid you to annex my face
To grow your fuzz
On that one day that even God took a rest.
Reblogged this on random rants ruminations ramblings.
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Hah ha ha…just brilliant, sooooo funny and clever! Wonderful!
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Yeah, I am partial to this one – I do hate shaving, it’s such a chore! 😦
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Having no personal experience I can only offer my condolences…
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Hahahaahh! ‘Mystics’ traditionally must have long, flowing beards, isn’t it? 😉 Doesn’t your’s?
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Lol he does…just not flowing enough…!
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enriching Mr. Gillette… 😀
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Yup, completely nailed it. And i have always used electric shavers which tend to mostly work which is even more infuriating but at this old age of mine feels way too late in the game to be attempting ‘normal’ shaving and so with the electric i remain…
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You can find some amusing random things to write poems about and people will relate. The most popular poem on my blog, sadly, is not about love or heartbreak but about…my broken car:)
I wrote a poem about beards once, but it was more about preferring to kiss someone who shaves:) Thanks for sharing the link. I enjoyed your poem.
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I’ll check out your broken car… Thanks for the read!
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Oh yes, love this! There really is not rest from it. Even if you shave the darn thing off you still have to maintain a clean shaven face. I’ve actually been trying to write a poem about a mustache but just couldn’t seem to get the angle. This one is quite good. By the way, this may be amusing to you.
http://www.americanmustacheinstitute.org/
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Thanks Marissa!
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Thanks for the link, will go check it out!
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Loved it…very refreshing. I’m also a writer of poetry. Check out my latest.
http://leoladurant.com/2015/10/19/broken-sea-glass/
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Thank you… and on it! 🙂
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[…] Source: Begone, Mr. Beard! […]
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hahaha this is brilliant, but i have been with a relationship with beard (with a Thakur moustache) since almost two years now (at one time it was a long one) i find it the best solution of everyday shaving as my face got salvation from razors 🙂
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Oh! Your pic shows clean shaven, so….. 😄
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Kunal, you never cease to amaze me… this time with your beard. I love it (talking about your write-up, just in case you get misled ;). Hahaha.
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Glad you enjoyed it! 😆
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Oh I did. Absolutely. You are one poet who writes about something as unusual as heard. Isn’t that something??
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It’s such a bloody drag, I tell you…shaving i.e.
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My sympathies. Can’t say the same though! So then why shave at all? I’m sure you’ll carry it off very nicely.
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Naaah
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Smooth is the way to go ! Sorry Mr Beard , you have none of my love 😀😀😀😀😀
Moustaches ……ewwwwww , prickly barriers to kisses . 😠😠😠😠
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Hahaha, but it’s a drag,I tell you! Shaving, ie
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They have laser treatments to stay clean and clear for life , I’ve heard !
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Hurts and expensive
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Haha .pretty faces come at a premium …lol
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😝
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Read the one on Trump & then I’ll send you the Indian version of that
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[…] via Begone, Mr. Beard! […]
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Haha! Well done, K! I am sure there is a new glow to Mumbai now! 😉
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Thanks! Don’t know about you, but the daily chore is an awful bore! Wondering if laser is a good idea! 😜
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It sure is, but next time put one blob of that foam on your nose…if nothing else, you’ll get to see a smile! 😊
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Hahahahaha
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Great fun – but reality 🙂
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Thanks, Derrick!
The act of writing/reading yes, but certainly not that of shaving! Ah, I see you’ve excused yourself from that, what with your facial growth & all that! You lucky man! 🙂
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My facial hair has come and gone over the years 🙂
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Ha Ha. This gave me a chuckle. Poor Mr Beard. 😆
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🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
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☺️🙏🙌
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This is brilliantly humorous and voices struggles against beard which mar almost every adult. Your treatment of ‘beard’ as a person is so novel. Have a great day, Kunal 🙂
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Many thanks, my new dadhiwala dost! It’s a daily struggle against the tyranny of facial hairdom! 🍻
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Hahaha, you brought a broad smile by calling me that. You’re witty and fun my friend 😀
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Hans, Anand! Pleased to meet you & see you around!
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🙂 🙂
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[…] You might also like: Begone, Mr. Beard! […]
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