FEAR

Today, I take you on, my fears
You overwhelmed me all these years
Made me despair, had me in tears

Because of you I looked long but never leapt
Where many ran, I carefully stepped
You caused me to seem so out of depth

Many desires that I had sought
Those battles were lost before they were fought
You, fear, brought a lot to naught

From not wagering on a winning bet
To waking up in a clammy sweat
To you I owe a lot, for this I am in debt

So much better could I have fared
I seldom won because I never dared
No question about it, I was scared

Of doubt, you were the biggest tout
With all the confusion you brought about
Clarity and resoluteness lay in a rout

I saw the mountain, never climbed to the top
Afraid as I was of the precipitous drop
Every step to Base Camp a muddling flip-flop

I dreamt of the stars but would never reach
They’re jettisoned now, flotsam on the beach
Because of you, damn you, clinging on like a leech

I rose at first to challenge but buckled before you
A thousand dithering thoughts replaced ‘can do’
Withering my chutzpah and confidence, too

The spark that was earlier kindled
Alas, into embers it gradually dwindled
As my strength of mind you slowly swindled

You tied my arms in a bind
You stayed my step, you ruled my mind
Courage was left lurching behind

When it was time for me to choose
You played that old, time-tested ruse
Pointing out to me what there was to lose

The wrong, the right, the goalpost in my sight
Fortitude meekly gave in to fright
And I’m left to rue what might’ve

Always too many ifs and buts
Always accompanying a paucity of guts
Determination stuck in an absolute rut

Stepping out of predictability, breaking the mould
Had I had been just that wee bit more bold
Many endeavours could have struck gold

Ambition, aspirations together they wavered
Objects and objectives I quite favoured
Like some dreams, they lay wayward

Buds never bloomed, ideas weren’t groomed
Fear loomed, certainty it subsumed
Million dollar babies were prematurely doomed

Instead of defiantly ahead, I looked down
Only glimmered when I could have shone
A lot of water under that bridge has flown

You pulled towards mediocrity when I chased excellence
Decisions unmade, sitting on the fence
Simply worrying about the consequence

The brilliance ebbed, potent became latent
And fluent gradually regressed into hesitant
With all the negativity that you made present

I yearned and yearned and I lost a love
Because I could not make the move
Perhaps I should have listened to that voice from above

Because of you it took longer than it should
I didn’t grasp the opportunities I could
Were they to reappear, in a trice I would

If I were to turn and look back
I see many a gift I didn’t unpack
All because of that one thing I lacked

All those chances I did not take
Making plenty of excuses, all patently fake
Because, you, fear, I could not shake

For far too long, I gave in to your guile
Body numb, stomach heaving with bile
Forget the marathon, not running even a mile

You inhibited my whole by a large fraction
Impetus made inert into inaction
But all is not yet over and done

You held me back, but it’s not too late
You wore me down, but no more will you dictate
Today’s the day for a turn of fate

For you, bah, I have only scorn and disdain
No more will I succumb to your influence, it’s all in vain
The tyranny that reigned, hereafter it’s on the wane

I have you defeated, I cast you aside
Conviction and courage with me abide
The fear inside of me has died

I give you the finger and I’m not afraid
I say, “screw you!” (something I never said)
A steadfast new path for myself I’ve laid

I unleash myself from your yoke
I leave you to bully other folk
Into a new era have I awoken

Hallelujah and Glory Be
I am released, I am free
Because today, fear, you don’t scare me

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24 Comments

  1. It feels long, but I believe that’s appropriate for the content. It communicates to the reader that sense of suffering. I feel bothered by the use of the words babies and doomed, probably because I have so many kids. I really want to cuddle a baby now.

    Liked by 1 person

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  2. OMG, this is so good! I don’t remember reading this before though I see I had liked it before. It resonates with me so much right now. Problem for me is its manifesting in bad dreams. But I did do my breathing exercises and spoke to my Guru as you suggested so I’ve banished these terrorists to the skies. Apparently Archangel Michael will take care of me 😃 Well, hope you have been resolute since you wrote this 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

      1. No doubt like all things it’s a journey but the paradox is that Fear often gives you courage you didn’t think you could muster. I shall read this poem again. Thank you for sharing:-) Enjoy what remains of your evening!

        Liked by 1 person

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